I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize