two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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