We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize