I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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