He kissed a someone with a penis
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
