i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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