i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
