new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
