Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
