Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
