My liver just broke up with me...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
