have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
