9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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