I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
