areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
