I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize