she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
