I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
