Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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