I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
