So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
