Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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