You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
