i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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