omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
