My nipple is on Facebook.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I forget how to act sober
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
