Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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