i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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