You smell like a Billy Joel song
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
