I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
