Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
