Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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