I cut my penus on the lid.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
