all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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