they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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