My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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