your room smells of hookers.
And success
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
