My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
