then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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