I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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