allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
