Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
