I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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