how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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