Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize