I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
