he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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