4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
