i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
