Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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