I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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