Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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