Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
