I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Congratulations! We have a period
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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