I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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