I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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