I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize