I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
