There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
