I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize