i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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