my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
