You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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