I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Your penis caused this!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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