If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
