I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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