She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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