R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think my vagina is haunted
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
