Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
