Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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