my vag is so smooth its legendary
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
