I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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