Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
