i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
