So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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