...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
