What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize